After many weeks of waiting, I finally had the appointment today with the Psychologist and like every other new venture on this HH journey I hold every hope and dream on to it.
I was very nervous waiting to see them as I knew I would have to go through the whole story from the beginning. One in which I can still cry when I think about diagnosis and the battle we had up until diagnosis. They were lovely and took me into a small office with comfy chairs and yes, they asked me to fill them in–which I actually managed to do without reaching for the tissues.
We had had some bad days with Faith’s behavioural /emotional state leading up to this appointment, so I had lots of examples to give them. While I’m going through the last episode of behavioural issues I realise i’m panicking inside about what they are thinking, are they going to tell me again that its just normal behavioural issues with any child. I can feel a voice screaming in my head; please don’t say it to me again. But they don’t, they look very confused, which is fine because it means they are actually taking on board what I’m saying and they aren’t just going to brush me off.
While we are all talking about different episodes and what might and might not have caused them, does she or doesn’t she know what’s happening. It all suddenly starts to fall in place for me. What if there are actually two different episodes going on here, one in which she isn’t aware (so could these be seizure activity) and comes and goes due to some sort of spark of activity. And then another type of episode whereby her behaviour increases due to an overload of emotional feelings, be it happy, sad or aggressive. And these feelings cause her to have ‘normal’ outbursts of anger but she is unable to control the way she feels due to the increased emotional surge and it just keeps increasing until something calms her again.This seems to make so much more sense to me as I’m typing this, not that I know how to deal with it any more but at least it helps me understand a bit more. (if I’m right).
Another thing to come from the meeting was the idea to externalise her behaviour outburst. To give it a name so she doesn’t feel it is her that is being bad or a horrible person. They also suggested encouraging her to draw what she is feeling to give it more meaning to her as well as us. I’m not sure how this will work, but I’m willing to give anything a try. I’m also to keep a diary of episodes, so I think while doing the diary I will see if it shows the difference between the two episodes.