Scared

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To say we have had one of the worst weeks ever with Faith as far as anger and emotional outbursts are concerned, would be an understatement. There have been times this week that I have actually felt quite scared. The outbursts, when they come, last longer and are becoming more aggressive in nature. While in one of her rages, she bit me so hard that I thought she was going to break the skin, and the hate in her eyes was heart breaking.

I know its nothing personnel but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with during these attacks. I can’t help wondering how she will cope as she gets older and how we will deal with them. I have had lots of good advice from many of you and I intend to start using the fish oil, we are already reducing the Carbamazapine.

During my last visit to the Psychologist, I initially had blank faces and they actually told me they didn’t know where to go from here. Wow as if I haven’t heard that one before, she’s unique, we have nothing to go by. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  I think she could tell by my face that I wasn’t impressed. She then finished the session by suggesting I introduce Faith to an object which she used as a comfort when she felt these episodes starting. I have tried this, when she was a bit calmer we talked about her feelings and how using a comfort may help her calm down before the episode escalated. She picked a little pooh bear teddy we already had. (pooh bear being her favourite teddy.) Initially this helped and during small attacks she hugged the teddy and I helped her breath in and out to calm her down. But then during the bigger attacks, I couldn’t even get her to look at the teddy never mind hold it. She’d sooner throw it at me then use it has a comfort, I kept trying to use the bear until I realized it was hopeless and I gave in.

We talked as a family about trying to alleviate any difficult situations for her but at times the emotional stress comes from the most unlikely situations as for example at the moment she is crying uncontrollably over a box which is in Emily’s room. ?? She has decided she needs one of these boxes desperately and nothing we can say to her or offer her instead will appease her.

She has been having problems with her ear this week and has been in lots of pain. She constantly looks exhausted and on most days has slept during the afternoon. Many of her naps have taken place after a rage or emotional outbreak.

One thing we have noticed is that during an episode, be it aggressive or obsessive, if she has a gelastic seizure during the episode she generally calms down after as though the seizure has reset her in some way. My heart continually breaks for my little darling and everything she has to go through on a daily basis.