The Mood

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We have had an exceptionally bad week with Faith and her aggressive outbursts. The first day it started was the worst, when I picked her up from school. Her one to one told me she had had a bad day, being moody with her best friend and not coping very well if she played with anyone else. As I helped her into the car she seemed fine and happy, telling me all about her day. I told her we were stopping at the shop on the way home and the girls were going to be walking home. That was fine; she carried on telling me about school. I’ve got to the point where I almost wait to see what will set her off. I’ve tried to be more organised and keep her up to date with the plans for the day before anything new happens. I have to say though, this doesn’t always work and sometimes it is something that I would never think would upset her that sets her off.

As we walked into the shop, I asked her did she want to carry the basket or the shopping bag. She picked the bag and I also gave her the list. I sometimes find if I give her jobs to concentrate on, it keeps her calmer. As we walked down the aisle, she suddenly looked at me with so much hate in her eyes and started shouting at me telling me how could I do this. Do what hun, “I thought you loved me, how can you hate me,” she screamed. I reassured her I loved her very much and then asked her to help me find the crisps.”Crisps,” she shouted, “I don’t want to find crisps.” “Faith, you don’t need to shout at mummy,” I responded. At this point she started trying to scratch me and pulling at my top. “Come on, let’s go and see the girls,” I said, trying to keep calm myself. As we walked towards the till to pay, she started to calm down telling me again about a hat she had made. It was very strange, I felt I was dying inside; it just seems so cruel as if the seizures weren’t enough now I feel like I’m losing my little girl to these moods.

As I started driving home, she picked up the hat she had made, as she tried to put it on her head, she started screaming again. That her hat was broken and I needed to fix it, I tried to explain to her that I would when I got home. “No, No,” she screamed. Louder and louder, “you need to do it now.” She again became irrational screaming hysterically and trying to pull at me as I was driving and scratching and pinching at my arm. “Faith please don’t hurt mummy.” This carried on until I got her home and tried to carry her into her room downstairs kicking and screaming.

The poor girls were traumatised, seeing their baby sister acting like a caged animal. Emily had a friend with her who had come for tea. I told them to all go upstairs and that id be up to talk to them when she calmed.I sat on her bed with her and tried to talk to her, she kept flicking in and out of being able to listen to me. While she was calm, we talked about her mood. She had seen the marks on my arm that she had caused and was very upset stroking my arm. I tried to externalise the mood to her like the psychologist had suggested, explaining to her that sometimes, the mood made her become upset and hurt people and that it wasn’t Faith doing it, but that Faith had to try and tell the mood not to do it. She seemed to be listening to me and then she was gone again. Telling me she hated me, calling me names and trying to hurt me. I said, “I don’t think this is Faith saying this I think its the mood making Faith say it.”  “Oh no,” she said, “it’s all me.” I just looked at her, what do I say to that. I was screaming inside, help!!!!

Karl came home in the middle of all this, he sat with Faith for awhile. We put Fireman Sam on and gave her a biscuit as she seemed a bit shaky; I thought her sugars might be a bit low. She calmed for a bit as she sat with her dad. While he sat with Faith, I went to talk to the girls, I tried to explain to Emily’s friend who seemed to be very understanding.

Faith seemed to be calming down, she asked if she could go upstairs to see the girls. We agreed she could, and I went up with her to sort things out in my room so I was close by. Half an hour went by and she seemed to be back to Faith. I went downstairs to start tea, Emily now says it started for no reason. Faith just started trying to hurt Emily’s friend. Emily panicked and smacked Faith’s hand, who then kicked Emily’s laptop off the bed. Karl ran upstairs when he heard all the noise. He took her into her room and tried to talk to her, she just kept screaming at him, it was the worst thing I’d ever heard, I can’t explain the noise she made. He couldn’t get through to her so left her there. I’d had some sheets of colouring from the play lady from work. I lay one on the floor in the family room and put some colours on the floor by them. She came out of her room screaming abusive words at me, but at the same time picking up a crayon. She started colouring and eventually started calming down.

This was the worst mood I’ve experienced with her, I did start to think she wasn’t going to come out of it, I had even thought I was going to have to give her buccal midazalam. Thankfully it didn’t get to that.

Emily won’t invite anyone around for tea anymore; she cried herself to sleep that night. Her friend was fine and seemed very understanding. Emily said it wasn’t what her friend thought, it was worrying about Faith and the fact that these moods were getting worse. I just cuddled her and reassured her we would all get through this and work our way around them as we had with the moments (seizures).

The next day was very similar, but not as bad. The colouring has stayed out for her to have on view, the next half of the week has been calmer up to now. I have given her a little pad of paper she can hold and a pen or crayon and she carries it around with her, continually writing or drawing on it. This seems to be calming her at the moment but who knows how long it will last.